Ok. So I had my TEN seconds of fame this week on nationally-broadcast television. Who knows how many hundreds of people watched, but that's more than normally see me on a good day. How did it feel? You know that place inside your soul that cries out that there's just gotta be more to this life than just the day to day, more than just the getting by? That place felt rubbed and nurtured. Like a big hug from arms unseen.
Just kidding. It didn't feel like much at all, actually. The best part of it all was how my friends and family responded to it. Everyone was so supportive and loving, it's been amazing.
But, no worries. No chance for big heads or arrogance here. My TV appearance Monday night was bookmarked by large packages of dog poo on the living room carpet both Monday and Tuesday mornings. And I've had the flu all week, myself. Not much room for feeling amazing.
March 29, 2006
March 7, 2006
Kirby Puckett was the Twins.
I lost one of my heroes yesterday. He was only days away from his 46th birthday...and just a couple of months away from being re-married. I loved that Kirby represented the Underdog in appearance and Superstar in reality, both with such a huge smile. I will never forget the '87 & '91 World Series the Twins won, and I'll never forget the spark that Kirby brought to the team, to the Metrodome, to the whole state and to the whole country. Heck, I named my dog after him...because of the spark that he brought to me. The spark that says "You can do it, you can make it! You can be a champion! But more important than winning, it's the joy and love in your heart and compassion for other people that really matter in life." A message so similar in nature to what my amazing Grandma Bob used to shower me with.
Ironically, during the '91 Series Grandma Bob was in the hospital for some heart problems. She was a big Kirby fan. She had a heart-attack during the Series' day off, only to recover in time to cheer for Kirby and the Twins. She'd watch the games from her hospital bed, Homer-Hanky in hand. Yes, she did get to watch his team pull it out in the end. But, immediately after the Twins won the title, she hung up her Hanky, and said good-bye to us.
I hope this means that Grandma Bob and Kirby Puckett, two of my heroes, finally get a chance to meet.
Ironically, during the '91 Series Grandma Bob was in the hospital for some heart problems. She was a big Kirby fan. She had a heart-attack during the Series' day off, only to recover in time to cheer for Kirby and the Twins. She'd watch the games from her hospital bed, Homer-Hanky in hand. Yes, she did get to watch his team pull it out in the end. But, immediately after the Twins won the title, she hung up her Hanky, and said good-bye to us.
I hope this means that Grandma Bob and Kirby Puckett, two of my heroes, finally get a chance to meet.
March 6, 2006
Let's not have sex.
(scene takes place in bed)
1: This is crazy, but can we not have sex?
2: What do you mean?
1: I mean, can we just lie here and not have to get all animal, just to feel like we really amount to something?
2: You mean, just lie here?
1: That sounds awesome.
2: You're kidding me. You bought me all those drinks tonight so you can cuddle?
1: I actually just want to find someone who won't leave. If we have sex, you'll leave. And then the next time I see you, you'll have told all your friends (secretly, of course!) that we had sex and you'll be all weird to me. Either you'll ignore me, or you'll be all nice and want to come over, and you'll expect sex again. It's setting a precedent.
2: A what?
(silence)
2: So you just want me to like you? As a person?
1: I'd love it if you could just listen to me when I talk, but without needing me to say anything. That you could see that you have great value in this relationship. That I need you to be strong and interesting and engaging and proactive. I need you to have a life that's awesome without me...something that I can find joy in while I'm pursuing you. That it's not all about you being captured and playing dead like every other person I've dated.
(pause)
1: I need you in ways you've never imagined. But you've got to find out in yourself what value you bring to this relationship. That's the part of you that I need the most.
1: This is crazy, but can we not have sex?
2: What do you mean?
1: I mean, can we just lie here and not have to get all animal, just to feel like we really amount to something?
2: You mean, just lie here?
1: That sounds awesome.
2: You're kidding me. You bought me all those drinks tonight so you can cuddle?
1: I actually just want to find someone who won't leave. If we have sex, you'll leave. And then the next time I see you, you'll have told all your friends (secretly, of course!) that we had sex and you'll be all weird to me. Either you'll ignore me, or you'll be all nice and want to come over, and you'll expect sex again. It's setting a precedent.
2: A what?
(silence)
2: So you just want me to like you? As a person?
1: I'd love it if you could just listen to me when I talk, but without needing me to say anything. That you could see that you have great value in this relationship. That I need you to be strong and interesting and engaging and proactive. I need you to have a life that's awesome without me...something that I can find joy in while I'm pursuing you. That it's not all about you being captured and playing dead like every other person I've dated.
(pause)
1: I need you in ways you've never imagined. But you've got to find out in yourself what value you bring to this relationship. That's the part of you that I need the most.
February 24, 2006
My First Reality Show Experience
I was assured by my agent that "it wasn't a reality show." Still, I went with low expectations and a not-so-deep-down desire to be picked. This past Monday I was part of the taping of a show for the cable channel AMC, you know, American Movie Classics? And by "classics" they mean Porky's, Risky Business, and The River Wild. Needless to say, they have a program called "Date Night" which is kind of like "Dinner & a Movie" on another channel. This program surrounds the showing of a particular movie and its requisite commercial breaks. There were eight of us guys and one "lovely" lady (she looked a lot like Cher). Throughout the course of the day, we would be interviewed and scrutinized until she was certain she had picked the best guy for her to date. At least that's the premise.
The first half of the day, us guys spent individual time in front of the camera being asked by the director about our favorite movies (Shawshank Redemption, Rudy, Chariots of Fire, Garden State), favorite comedy (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), hottest Actor or Actress (Phillip Seymour Hoffman & Felicity Hoffman), What a person's favorite movie says about them (Whether or not they are a thinking person), etc.
They also made us do an impression, something that I'm pretty horrible at. Because our "date movie" is the charming and romantic psychological thriller Silence of the Lambs I had to try to do Hannibal saying, "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chi-an-ti." Then they asked me to do that lip-quivering-sucking-mmmthatwastastey thing. I didn't do so hot. I'm certain they will edit me to look like a baffoon. But as long as it's not a "reality show," I can fall back on the "I was just acting like a baffoon" plea. Right?
The second half was spent with each of us hanging out on a red couch with the lady d'jour. We had (hopefully) funny, engaging, flirty conversation about different parts of the movie. We talked about sewing machines (No, I don't have one), lotion ("It rubs the lotion on its skin"), and "quid pro quo." It was delightful and surprisingly natural. I might have made a new friend in this semi-Cher-like lady.
While the other guys were in the studio the rest of us sat in around and ate snack food, like mini-quiches and slim jims. They were actually pretty cool guys, and we bonded pretty quickly since we were all pretty uncertain what the heck we had gotten ourselves into. One guy even told the story of his (and his wife's) recent experience on the Dr. Phil show. They got royally scammed into thinking they were going to be helped, and instead they were made fun of. Pretty sad. I hope that's not what happens to me with this "Date Night" deal.
At the end of the night, the producer came into our little holding area and announced that they (not the Cher-girl) had picked the one guy to come back in as the "winner." It was Gary, he always wins stuff and get the cool jobs. He's actually in the running to be on "Deal, No Deal." I'm happy for him, mostly, and probably would've based my self-worth too highly on the fact that some New York producer & director deemed me "most desirable."
Besides, the prize Gary won is a pair of movie tickets. And, here's the clincher. Ms. Right already has a Mr. Right. Yep, she's married, and even has a couple of kids. That's a little too much reality for me.
"Date Night" will air March 27th, 7pm Central on AMC.
The first half of the day, us guys spent individual time in front of the camera being asked by the director about our favorite movies (Shawshank Redemption, Rudy, Chariots of Fire, Garden State), favorite comedy (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), hottest Actor or Actress (Phillip Seymour Hoffman & Felicity Hoffman), What a person's favorite movie says about them (Whether or not they are a thinking person), etc.
They also made us do an impression, something that I'm pretty horrible at. Because our "date movie" is the charming and romantic psychological thriller Silence of the Lambs I had to try to do Hannibal saying, "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chi-an-ti." Then they asked me to do that lip-quivering-sucking-mmmthatwastastey thing. I didn't do so hot. I'm certain they will edit me to look like a baffoon. But as long as it's not a "reality show," I can fall back on the "I was just acting like a baffoon" plea. Right?
The second half was spent with each of us hanging out on a red couch with the lady d'jour. We had (hopefully) funny, engaging, flirty conversation about different parts of the movie. We talked about sewing machines (No, I don't have one), lotion ("It rubs the lotion on its skin"), and "quid pro quo." It was delightful and surprisingly natural. I might have made a new friend in this semi-Cher-like lady.
While the other guys were in the studio the rest of us sat in around and ate snack food, like mini-quiches and slim jims. They were actually pretty cool guys, and we bonded pretty quickly since we were all pretty uncertain what the heck we had gotten ourselves into. One guy even told the story of his (and his wife's) recent experience on the Dr. Phil show. They got royally scammed into thinking they were going to be helped, and instead they were made fun of. Pretty sad. I hope that's not what happens to me with this "Date Night" deal.
At the end of the night, the producer came into our little holding area and announced that they (not the Cher-girl) had picked the one guy to come back in as the "winner." It was Gary, he always wins stuff and get the cool jobs. He's actually in the running to be on "Deal, No Deal." I'm happy for him, mostly, and probably would've based my self-worth too highly on the fact that some New York producer & director deemed me "most desirable."
Besides, the prize Gary won is a pair of movie tickets. And, here's the clincher. Ms. Right already has a Mr. Right. Yep, she's married, and even has a couple of kids. That's a little too much reality for me.
"Date Night" will air March 27th, 7pm Central on AMC.
February 10, 2006
That my-laundry-never-gets-dirty smell.
I’ve always been someone who goes after what they want. And the fact that I am generally successful at it, has made me into a fairly self-confident, ambitious, go-getter. I can do anything. I can win in any situation. I can convince anyone that they should go this way, rather than that. I can win the hearts of one, or many. Any sign of a situation gone uncontrolled, or a person left unconvinced, tends to keep me up at night. Restless hours scheming and planning how to sway, or better yet, inspire, the antagonist in the scene to come over to my side.
I look back fondly on hearts that I’ve won over. Hearts that were hard at first, but over time realized the value of my friendship. Another notch in my logbook of life-long acquaintances. Goals I set that appeared insurmountable, disappearing in the smoke of my charm and smooth-talking.
To a certain extent, I do feel lucky for this ability. Even more thankful am I for my ability to keep it all apparently above-board. No one questioning my ability to make things, or people, happen. No one to stare me in the eyes and second guess my motives. No one but me.
But I do find it easy enough to ignore myself, as well as the next person does. So I continue on—conquering, winning, achieving, amazing, and inspiring.
There have been a handful of people who have kept me humble. People who taunt me with their own kind of charm. People who come right up to the edge of being conquerable, and then slip away... only to tease me again with their near-approachability. These are usually people who are admired by many around them. Admired for their charisma...for their ability to get things done...for their way of appearing like they have every square peg put firmly into the square hole, and every round peg nestled gently into its round hole.
I guess that might be how people view me. I mean, I hope that’s how people view me.
So, as much as I admire these people, they throw me for a loop. I’d love to be able to just grab a hold of their coat-tails and ride them into a warm feeling of self-worth and security. But those coat-tails are always just out of my grasp. I keep reaching... and they keep walking away. They keep on not returning my phone calls. They keep on staying busy talking to everybody else, making sure that they all feel good about themselves. Winning the next award, saving the next world... They’re always just around the next corner. Leaving behind their smell...that confident, my-laundry-never-gets-dirty smell.
But, I keep on. Thinking that one day, I might just attain that same sort of invincibility.
I look back fondly on hearts that I’ve won over. Hearts that were hard at first, but over time realized the value of my friendship. Another notch in my logbook of life-long acquaintances. Goals I set that appeared insurmountable, disappearing in the smoke of my charm and smooth-talking.
To a certain extent, I do feel lucky for this ability. Even more thankful am I for my ability to keep it all apparently above-board. No one questioning my ability to make things, or people, happen. No one to stare me in the eyes and second guess my motives. No one but me.
But I do find it easy enough to ignore myself, as well as the next person does. So I continue on—conquering, winning, achieving, amazing, and inspiring.
There have been a handful of people who have kept me humble. People who taunt me with their own kind of charm. People who come right up to the edge of being conquerable, and then slip away... only to tease me again with their near-approachability. These are usually people who are admired by many around them. Admired for their charisma...for their ability to get things done...for their way of appearing like they have every square peg put firmly into the square hole, and every round peg nestled gently into its round hole.
I guess that might be how people view me. I mean, I hope that’s how people view me.
So, as much as I admire these people, they throw me for a loop. I’d love to be able to just grab a hold of their coat-tails and ride them into a warm feeling of self-worth and security. But those coat-tails are always just out of my grasp. I keep reaching... and they keep walking away. They keep on not returning my phone calls. They keep on staying busy talking to everybody else, making sure that they all feel good about themselves. Winning the next award, saving the next world... They’re always just around the next corner. Leaving behind their smell...that confident, my-laundry-never-gets-dirty smell.
But, I keep on. Thinking that one day, I might just attain that same sort of invincibility.
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