Big City Solitude

I'm thrilled (and a bit surprised) to report that this holiday season has been one of the best family times we have ever had. The highlight for me was having Christmas Eve lunch with my mom at Perkins (perhaps my favorite restaurant). I had my favorite ham & cheese omelette, crispy hash browns, and the most amazing trio of pancakes, smothered with blueberry syrup. Aaaahhhh....life is good. Mom and I had the opportunity to talk with more sanity and honesty than we ever had. We cried. We also laughed. We laid down a foundation from which we can now move forward in our relationship. It had stalled for a bit. But it took cracking it open (with a crow bar, she'd say) this past August, and then continuing with a bit of distance and clarity from that conversation, at this Perkins in Rochester, Minnesota. For this time with her, I'm truly grateful. It's amazing how much hold on your emotional health a relationship with your parents can maintain even at this age. I'm thankful for a breath of fresh affection having been blown into ours.

Part Two.

I love the challenge of finding simplicity in the midst of the big city. The hustle & bustle can put up quite a fight, but I feel a bit victorious when I'm able to find a quiet spot (like the one I'm in right now- a great coffee shop in Uptown Minneapolis), or the quiet spots I found last night (the solo spot at the sushi bar at the Mexican/Asian restaurant AND the time walking on the iced-over Lake Calhoun in the middle of downtown). I wasn't alone, it wasn't so much quiet, but it was me finding a simple joy that resonated within my soul. That, to me, is so awesome.

Joy, sometimes creeps up on me. At other times, I chase after it. And when I'm lucky, like this week, it's all over me.

Joy to the World, and hopefully to YOU, as well!

Your turn signal must be broken!

I just ran to the drug store right near my house to pick up a prescription. It's so close that I actually kept my slippers on for the drive there. On the way out, I was waiting for a car coming from the left to pass before I would turn out of the parking lot. Well...it turns out that car was actually turning RIGHT...into the parking lot...but chose NOT to signal. Which means, yes...I had to wait an additional three or four seconds before I could pull out.

As you can imagine, my first thought was to turn all the way around and follow that obviously rude person into the parking place next to theirs and politely roll down my window, and say something entirely TOO sarcastic, like: "Being the holidays and all, I just wanted you to know that I think your turn signal must be broken! And I didn't want you to be driving around all over the place not knowing that! So..Merry Christmas!" And then drive away. That sounds like it would take about 35 or 40 extra seconds. But, can you imagine how great it would feel to let a person know that their actions really do affect other people!? I mean, good Lord, I lost a good three or four seconds by that person not using their signal!

I realize this is insanity...even though it is probably a very common feeling among most of us. I constantly see people doing things that affect me in a (however miniscule) negative way (especially if I'm looking for them) and I feel like it's my responsibility to let them know about it...so they can change and be a more positive member of our society. What a weight I'm choosing to carry!

I'm getting ready to see my family over the holidays. I'm CERTAIN that I will encounter many opportunities to point out things that I see each one of them doing that affect me and others in negative ways. But is it really worth it for me to be the Behavior Police of the World, much less my Family, that I'm able to be? I don't think so either.

I just heard someone say: "Whenever you have a thought that excludes or judges anyone else, you aren't defining them. You're defining yourself as someone who needs to judge others."

I want to be someone who chooses to love and not someone who chooses to judge. You heard it here first. I can't wait to see how much time I save by not chasing down all the wrongdoers that I meet over the holidays. What a gift I can give to myself!

Curtain

A.
You said it'd get better
When I got older
Now here I am, and it's not
What you promised
Would it've been better
To never have given me hope
And let me be surprised
Rather than this sick that I feel

B.
Standing behind a curtain
That never opens
I'm waiting...
Butterflies and sweat drops
Join the rumble on the other side
The audience seems to promise
A certain freedom
If only given a chance
They'd be my breath

C.
Waiting for my time
That has not come
For the curtain to open
And the song to begin
Can't you see that I'm ready
Ready for all of me to start

D.
Say goodbye to the show
And let me be alone
An audience of one
Cheering me on
All I need is what I have
The waiting is over
I'm finally free

If you could change one thing about everybody...

EMCEE: If you could change one thing about everybody in the world, what would it be?

MARK: If I could change one thing about everybody in the world, I would ask that passivity be removed from their lives.

EMCEE: Beautiful answer. Tell us why...

MARK: I think that passivity holds so many people back from really experiencing the life they want to have. People wait around for life to be handed to them, and when it doesn't, they just end up sitting on the couch watching television. The best way to have the life you desire is to create it, with love, grace and sensitivity as your watchwords. You can do most anything you want. (applause) Except when it comes to relationships. (audience gasps) It seems like if you try to make something happen in personal relationships you just push people away. And if you sit around waiting for someone to reach out to you, they never do. I can only imagine a world with balance where people just, you know, like each other, they hang out, and have a good time playing, taking breaks for snacks that your mom makes. There are a ton of people who I feel like I'm constantly the one pushing the relationship, as if it's a car that just quit in the middle of the street. It's a nice car, and we're having a great time, laughing the whole while, but you're still sitting inside listening to your favorite radio station, and I'm out here pushing. Yes, we're getting somewhere, but we are going about it in entirely different ways. My thinking tells me that it'd be awesome to have you back here...pushing the car right beside me.

ALBUMS I LOVE: 2005

AMOS LEE/Amos Lee
BLUE MERLE/Burning In the Sun
COLDPLAY/X&Y
DAVID CROWDER BAND/A Collision Or (3 4=7)
GAVIN DEGRAW/Chariot
GWEN STEFANI/Love. Angel. Music. Baby
HOWIE DAY/Stop All The World Now
JAMIE CULLUM/Catching Tales
JAMIROQUAI/Dynamite
JARS OF CLAY/Redemption Songs
KATHY TROCCOLI/Draw Me Close
MADONNA/Confessions on the Dance Floor
MICHAEL TOLCHER/I Am
NATASHA BEDINGFIELD/Unwritten
ROB THOMAS/Something To Be
TEITUR/Poetry & Aeroplanes
U2/How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
VERTICAL HORIZON/Go

Poem From A Prisoner

If you read my "What I Learned In Prison This Morning" blog, this will make more sense. This poem was written by one of my buddies that I've gotten to know over the years while going out there. He's an amazing man, incredibly brilliant and insightful. It's been an honor to be a part of his journey. Here are his thoughts, which he says were inspired by our discussions.

LAKE OF FIRE
by Lucas Larson

Your Hell is designed through an absence of Graces
A lack of God's love filling vacuous spaces
Your Hell's at a distance, a nebulous thought
A place circumvented through battles well fought
My Hell is right now and it's painfully near
It's concrete and wire, and loss drenched with fear
It's what I can't touch
And what I can't see
It's what I can't smell
And what I can't be
Restrained and disdained by a state-sanctioned hate
The cared for and careless disjoined at the gate
For ceaseless torment, it's a perfect prescription
Mix proximate hopes with a hopeless affliction
It's the essence of love that's excluded by fences
It's an absence of living, deprived of the senses
Your Hell is designed through an absence of Grace
My Hell is defined by this God-awful place

Don't hit the old lady.

I really thought he was going to hit her. I was standing there minding my own business, just people watching. Heck, it was the drunken-hour on the train out of town, so you know there was some good stuff that just happened, or was about to happen. I held on to the poles on either side of me, because sitting down I just might miss something.

There was a bright blue plastic tarp covering something that was moving underneath in the handicapped seat just to my right. Every once in a while, the lady would readjust her tarp and I could see her face. She looked sleepy.

The train would stop for about five seconds at each station, so you had to be on your toes if you were getting on or off. At the next station, a young Hispanic boy (about 18) got on and stood next to me by the doors. He was smoking a cigarello. You know, the stinky, cheap, cigar substitute? Well, turns out there's no smoking on the train. I found this out because a elderly deaf mute woman seated to my left got up to tell him to put it out.

Ok. So this was the first time I've ever seen a deaf mute elderly woman get aggressive toward a young Hispanic man for any reason. She kept mouthing words that I couldn't understand, making scary faces and very determined gestures with her hands all the while. The young boy kept smoking and saying things like "This is Chicago...just chill out." She obviously didn't understand and continued with her rant.

Lesson No. 1: Don't speak aggressively to anyone after 11pm at night. They will only be aggressive back and you really don't want that.

I thought for sure the boy was going to hit the old woman to get her to leave him alone. All for a smoke. It was more of the point behind it: "Let me do whatever I want, regardless of the rules, because that way I'm in charge of my life, and not just living according to whatever someone else thinks I should do."

The lady finally left the train at the next stop, but not before "yelling" at another man who had his leg sitting too far out into the aisle, or perhaps it was because he was talking on his cell phone. I'm not sure what her point was. She sure was agitated. I wonder what happened to her throughout her life (or maybe just that day) that made her that way?

When she was gone, the boy put out the cigarello against the wall of the train and stood waiting beside me. I decided to break the ice and start a conversation with the young man. "Boy, that was a bit crazy, huh?" He looked relieved to have someone break some of the tension, like he was maybe feeling a bit embarrassed for trying to make his point with the old lady.

We chatted for a couple more stops. He was a good kid underneath it all, just flexing his muscles and will-power a bit, to hopefully find the line to move toward where he can kick, someone will notice, and then perhaps even kick back.

It got a lot quieter after the young man got off the train. I looked around at the remaining few passengers. One man smiled at me, as if he just wanted to connect with someone who had also just seen what happened. I smiled back and rolled my eyes. The blue tarp rustled and I asked God to protect and bless the lady underneath. What a trip.

Lesson No. 2: Sometimes we kick just to see if someone will kick back.

Being Famous

I hope you're ok with me being completely fantastical here...

It cracks me up when people ask me what it's like to be famous. I wish I had a better answer. I usually say, quite humbly, "I really don't feel any different than you." But what I really mean is, "It's frickin' weird!" Seriously...weird. Like, life becomes a fight to hang onto what used to be normal, because everything and (most) everyone around becomes un-normal.

I can't tell anymore if people look at me from across the room because they recognize me, or if they think I might be someone they should recognize, or if I actually used to know them. Heck, maybe they're justing trying to be nice! It's become nearly impossible to consider people's actions toward me as someone who is just being nice, because I've trained myself to constantly be evaluating people's motives.

This is all not to mention how crazy busy life gets. There are people everywhere pulling and tugging and begging and even (gasp!) crying...for attention. I can't help but get a bit cynical about it...wondering why certain people don't have more of a life. I used to think, "If you only knew the real me, you probably wouldn't like me anymore." But I don't think that anymore...mostly because the impression that most people have of me is very, very close to who I really am. Of course, strangers can't know me completely, thankfully so. But I've worked very hard to make sure that I don't advertise anything false. For instance, if someone likes my heart, or my sense of humor, I can be grateful for that. They've probably seen a glimpse of it somewhere along the line. Even still, some strangers think that they know you better than they really do...and that's a little scary. Or some people have carved such a huge place in their life for their fantasies about me that they have lost all sense of personal boundaries. That's a bit frightening.

This is why it is so important for me to have a great family and an amazing group of friends surrounding me. People who know everything about me (I mean EVERYTHING), and still love me deeply. They are cheering me on, but at the same time, they don't care if I ever accomplish anything more. They actually would prefer if I was home more often. Their phone calls and emails mean the world to me when I'm away, and our times together over coffee or dinner are priceless.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful. I truly am grateful for all the amazing opportunities I've been given and the chance to get to know some really fascinating people. I just wanted to take a minute and try to write down some really honest thoughts and hopefully help someone understand better what life is like, not just for me, but for other people whose faces they see or voices they hear everyday.

I am very blessed, not because I'm famous, but because I'm loved. I'm loved deeply by people who I love deeply, as well. We are walking together, sharing life, in all its glories and disappointments. My family, my friends and I, we all need each other to continually point out the truth about ourselves, not some fantasy world that we all tend to gravitate toward. That's a kind of success I'd wish on anyone.

My Declaration of Independence

I'm now officially free to let other people respond to me the way they want to, and it doesn't need to affect how I feel about myself.

I'm free to let other people love me in their own way, in their own time, without me taking anything personally.

I'm free to let myself make mistakes in the ways that I communicate my feelings, because I am free to be misunderstood.

I am free to not be liked by everyone around me.

I'm free to allow the love of God and those who know me well, actually be enough to get me through today.

I'm free to not be entangled by the quest for acceptance from strangers, no matter how good looking they might be.

I'm free to be optimistic about the future, even if my present circumstances appear stagnant, knowing that the only thing that's certain in life is change.

Still, I'm free to not be ruled by the allure of "what might happen" in the future, because I am choosing to focus on the beauty of the present.

I'm free to be surprised by what might come my way, because I'm entering into today without any expectations.

This is my declaration of independence.

Here's Your Life

"Why must my life be so hard?" I ask myself because I can't find a spare stamp and still don't have a record deal. Things are pretty quiet around here. Inquiry emails sent out rarely get responses. Phone calls are useless. How in the world am I supposed to have an amazing life if people aren't willing to do their part to help me out? Sometimes, I'm just baffled by the amount of potential I seem to be drowning in.

About two years ago, in conversation with a friend, we decided that we could waste our lives waiting to be invited to all the cool parties. Meaning, sometimes it seems like the "people that have" in the music industry keep getting, and the "people that don't have" don't get anything. I'm talking about opportunities here, pardon the difficult analogy. But me and my friend decided that if we were tired of waiting to be invited to other people's parties, the best answer would be to throw our own. So...

I'm throwing a party.

What it looks like is me investing in the lives of people around me. It looks like me taking time to care for myself: through physical exercise, rest, entertainment, good food & drink. It looks like creative risk-taking. Loving, laughing, listening. Calling people out of the blue to see how they're doing. Finding and listening to music that I love. Reading great books. Drinking coffee frequently. And more that I can't even put words on. But what it ultimately comes down to, is living for today...not waiting or hoping for what I'd like to see happen. There's incredible beauty and joy being offered to me today. Sometimes I just have to take my eyes off of my own navel to see it.

The sky is really blue today. The air is crisp. I am loved well by many people in my life. I have great hope and optimism for the future (Jer. 29:11), but even better...today rocks. I am a very rich man and I'm throwing a party.

And you're invited.

New song lyrics...maybe

Sometimes man writes songs for others, sometimes for himself...

I KNOW

VERSE ONE:
It's a long way down from cloud number nine
Just a day ago it all seemed so fine
Seems the fall has got the best of you
Climbed the mountain only to lose the view

I promise, it's not time to give up
Even if the promised land feels so far away

CHORUS:
Cause I know, I've got plans for you (Hold on)
Working it out, only for your good
There's hope on the way, and a bright tomorrow
I know, I know, you can trust me (Hold on)

VERSE TWO:
Your yellow brick road's turned a bit grey
Can't see past all that's in the way
But every step is taking you closer
To where your heart knows you're not alone

I promise, if you don't give up
The promised land won't seem so far away

CHORUS:
Cause I know, I've got plans for you (Hold on)
Working it out, only for your good
There's hope on the way, and a bright tomorrow
I know, I know, you can trust me (Hold on)

Postcard From My Journey To Me

Wow. Cindy Morgan has a great CD coming out after the first of the year. She should be the most successful artist in the world because she's so amazingly talented. Check out her LISTEN project if you haven't heard of her. Regardless, her new project has a song called "Postcard From My Journey To Me" -- actually it's just called "Postcards" - but I like the long title. It has amazing lines like: "If you can't find the answers from anyone else, you just have to see for yourself." If I wrote a postcard from me, this is what I'd write today...

HELLO MY DEAR FRIEND! How are you? Hope this finds you swimming around in the blessings of God and feeling His love. I'm having an amazing time here. Even though it might not look exactly like I had hoped it would, there is much beauty to be seen. While I'm here, I'm discovering that I can either focus on what I don't have, or what I hope will happen in the future...or what probably won't happen in the future...OR I can dwell in a place of gratitude for what is right here in front of me. The view is amazing from here. Why do I still desire different mountain vistas or other glorious sunsets? It's pretty much a waste of time and grandeur. Yes, it's great to be here. Still, I'll be home real soon. I look forward to our time together. See you then! Love, me

"I'm searchin, I'm travelin, my life's been unravelin, and still don't know where this will lead. Enjoying the weather, I'll get it together, so don't worry I'll send you a postcard from my journey to me." -- Cindy Morgan

Here I Go

Will you chase me down
If I jump off this ledge I'm on
Will you come find me
If I run from your protection

Cause here I go, off into the unknown
And I'm scared of what I might find
Leaving safety behind, I've got life on my mind
And I'm gonna find it, if it's the last thing I do
Here I go...Here I am

Wannabe 201

Yes, I'm a wannabe. I don't want to settle for just getting by in life. I don't want to live according to what other people think I should do or be. I bring this up because I've got an awesome new friend who appears to be on a mission of helping me to "find my wings." When I think about what he must be thinking, I can only think that he perceives me as not really knowing who I am, or how I want to live my life. Well, heck. That's mostly not true. I actually really like who I am. I feel pretty grateful for the live I've lived, who I've become, and I feel very loved by those around me that know me. Even still, there is a part of me that is still living for everyone in my life, except for me. I mean, I place a really high importance on keeping people impressed with who I am and what I'm doing. Heck, life is better when people are impressed with me.

But what I'm currently experimenting with is revealing portions of myself to the people I'm closest with, and allowing them to see my fears and insecurities, as well as my great hopes and dreams for the future. This is slightly frightening to some people who care about me. Because as I express some of my wild thoughts and my desire for adventure, I'm hearing a lot of things like, "Just be careful," or "Are you sure about that?" It's cool to have people care about me, perhaps even more than I care about myself at times. And honestly, I want people to help me to see when I might be making decisions that are completely crazy.

But I do want to find my wings.

I want to journey beyond what I've been told I can do. I want to live dreaming bigger than what others deem reasonable. I want to do things that other people might think are wrong, and find out for myself whether they are wrong for me. I want to live diving deeply into what I'm wondering will make my heart sing. And I'm pretty convinced it looks a lot different than sitting in my recliner and watching the week's TiVo'd programs. I'm also convinced it looks a lot different than living according to other people's expectations of me. That means I might disappoint people who I care about. Heck, I might even get hurt. But there's something about entering into the battle for my heart that feels really good. It even feels a little scary...a little confusing...a bit unsettled. But I'm going to keep fighting, hoping to get to a place of peace and contentment on the other side. A nirvana of sorts that has been constructed not by other people, but by me.

"Until then, I'll just be me. Even if I don't know what that means." (from "Superfamous" - check it out on my profile page or on www.myspace.com/marksmeby)

The Journey of Desire

I was just reading a part in one of my favorite books "The Journey of Desire" and it was a bit about sorrow and aching that we all walk around with...but that we spend most of our time ignoring. He asked me the question, "What is the voice of my ache saying to me?" Good one. I spent some time journaling what I'm sad about, or what has brought me pain and sorrow. Most of mine revolves around XXXXXXXXXX (sorry!). It's interesting to acknowledge sadness. I don't know if we give ourselves enough opportunity to just be & feel human.

I want to explore what it's like to feel and know pain, sadness, sorrow, grief, the longing...to not feel like I have to to run or flee from it...to escape it. I wonder if its goal is to actually to reveal the truth to me, and instead, I revel in cosmetic emotional surgery -- this'll fix it! this'll make me feel better! And then I get addicted to a string of adrenaline-inducing pleasures, and I miss out on actually knowing myself.

I believe that underneath all my busy-ness and self-imposed distractions, there is the peace, hope, joy and truth that I'm ultimately longing for...and my desires -- mostly the unrequited ones, and the sadness, are my compass to lead me there.

What it's like on the road...

Road life is pretty interesting. I mean, boring. But yet exhilerating. Exhausting, but adrenaline charged. A lot of sitting around. A lot of heat-exhausted, worn-out people everywhere running around aimlessly. A friend of mine compared touring to camping - but the boring parts, where you're just sitting around wondering when you're going to get your next shower. People look at the mammoth tour buses with eyes of wonder. Wow...how amazing must it be inside! Yes, it's pretty cool. Actually, it's great to have somewhere to escape to that has air conditioning! There's a front and back lounge, each with TV, DVD, satellite, etc., a little kitchen, an even littler (and stinkier) airplane-ish bathroom, and twelve coffin-like bunks (six on each side, stacked three deep). The bunks have TV/DVD players in them, but I prefer throwing on the iPod and listening to something soothing like Amos Lee, Teitur, Jamie Cullum, etc.

Once you leave the bus, everyone is always checking you out, wondering if you're someone famous that they should know. Every time I get a ride from a driver to go to the hotel (we get a "day room" to shower in) they ask me who I am, or what band I'm with. I'm tempted to lie, but usually just tell them I'm just me and that they never have heard of me. I try to be patient with people who just seem to want a piece of someone famous, probably so they can tell people later something like, "You won't believe who I drove to the hotel today!"

Yes, Mr. Louisville, you drove Mark Smeby to the hotel. That's SMEEEE-bee. Like Phoebe, you know, from "Friends"? I do pop music and not even your cool teenager knows who I am. But that's ok with me. Why? Because I'm surrounded by family and people back home in Franklin who know me and love me, regardless of how famous or unfamous I am. They know all my strengths and all my weaknesses, and help remind me of the truth about myself when I lose sight of it in the midst of both the applause and humiliation that come with life on the road. To be honest, they actually prefer it when I'm not on the road. Part of me feels the same way.

What is "Superfamous" about?

Thanks everybody, first of all, for being so dang nice. It's so cool to connect with people all over the world and share life together. WOW! Secondly, thanks for all the amazing comments about the music. It's very encouraging and inspiring. Sometimes we have no idea at all how much power a simple word can be, spoken at just the right time. Be BRAVE people...tell someone you care about that you actually care about them! It might be just what they've been waiting to hear!

OK - about the tune. What a blast we had recording this song. I really wanted to have a fun, sarcastic tune about how it seems like EVERYBODY wants to be famous these days. Just turn on the tv and watch any reality show if you don't think so. Or go to a club and see how everyone is trying to look like someone famous. Or try living in Nashville and go ANYWHERE!!!

Someone asked me, "Are you being serious in this song?" Yes and no. Do I JUST want to be famous...no, not JUST. I would absolutely love to be able to have everyone in the world hear my music and maybe make them smile after a hard day, or make somebody feel like they can really start living their life, instead of just settling for getting by. So, yes, it'd be a blast to have an audience that enjoys what I do. But, I say "no" to the part of the extreme where it seems like people are willing to do anything to get people to like them. I don't want to do that.

I also don't want to take advantage of people based on any sort of position I might have. Not an easy task, especially when you're tired or lonely! HAH! So, there's a short answer for you. Somebody did tell me once, "You're just doing music cause you want to be famous..." I shrugged my shoulders, laughed, and wrote a song about it...

You want to be famous?

No, I'm not starting a reality show. I'm not auditioning people for anything. But I am curious what you think makes people want to be famous. I wonder if it's because we all are bombarded every day by images and messages that make us feel insignificant, and really we are longing for significance. We want to be remembered! And boy, how can you forget the really famous people!

If someone was to ask me who were the people that have impacted my life the most, I probably won't say a certain actor or actress, though many brought me joy through their work. I probably will say people like Willo Boe or Milt Heinrich, teachers that taught me to believe in myself and to keep exploring for a more creative option than the one I might want to settle for. I probably will mention my Grandma Bob, who believed in me more than anyone and showed me how to give away your life for the benefit of others.

It seems like our society is so full of people who want to be famous, as if that's some sort of Knightly tap on the shoulder, pronouncing our worth. I hope that someone that crosses my path is able to say something like, "I chose to stop settling, and start living life because of Mark," or "I see a little more clearly and more vividly the blessings I'm surrounded by because of Mark." Whoa...

I'd love to win an Oscar, or a Grammy, or a Brit, that would be a kick in the pants. But to go to sleep at night knowing I'm famous isn't enough. Loving well the people in my life, and letting them love me -- aaahhh...that's success in my book.

Unleash Your Inner Wannabe!

Why? For too long the word wannabe has had a really negative connotation. I believe it's time to reclaim the word for something positive. Perhaps even for yourself! This word is for you if you don't want to settle for just getting by. It's for you if you don't want to be just like everybody else. It's for you if you want to make a difference in the lives of people around you, and perhaps all over the world.

You're a Wannabe if you are someone who is willing to take risks and step into the unknown, in order to reach out and really live this life. This is your one shot. How are you going to live it?

So, what or who do you really wanna be? And why? I want to hear your story...

Belonging

One of my deepest desires has always been to feel a sense of belonging--to be able to call someplace or some group of people my own. Ideally, a nuclear family is the first place a person can begin to understand what it means to belong. We all live in this house, have the same phone number, share some genes, go places together, etc. Oh yeah, and we love each other. Even though we might disagree, or not like certain things about each other, we're not going anywhere.

Still, I know what it feels like to be disconnected and long for connection. I know what it's like to be someplace and wish that someone would reach out to me and make me feel included.

For me, the first step is understanding the value of connection with other people. It's like dropping anchor in a wild storm. It's like hanging out in a bar where everyone knows your name. It's about being uniquely interlocked with others who know that they need other people, perhaps as much as they themselves are needed. This awakens my desire to belong--basically, my discontent with disconnectedness.

Most people (myself at the top of the list), will scratch the surface in several areas of our lives, and wonder why we don't feel a sense of connectedness, or belonging. Personally, my sense of belonging doesn't come solely from other people making me feel like I belong, but it starts with me choosing to belong. I choose to belong to this church, these people, these groups, etc.

Next, I began to take steps to invest in what was going on around me by sharing my gifts and my personality with consistence. And perhaps most importantly, (and most frightening!) I had to start allowing others to know my thoughts, feelings and needs.

But between you and me, my default mode is isolation. I love to disconnect from other people. Sometimes, it’s just a whole lot easier (and less messy). But if it’s indeed a full and meaningful life I’m looking for, connecting with other people and belonging somewhere is a great way for me to find it.