My First Reality Show Experience

I was assured by my agent that "it wasn't a reality show." Still, I went with low expectations and a not-so-deep-down desire to be picked. This past Monday I was part of the taping of a show for the cable channel AMC, you know, American Movie Classics? And by "classics" they mean Porky's, Risky Business, and The River Wild. Needless to say, they have a program called "Date Night" which is kind of like "Dinner & a Movie" on another channel. This program surrounds the showing of a particular movie and its requisite commercial breaks. There were eight of us guys and one "lovely" lady (she looked a lot like Cher). Throughout the course of the day, we would be interviewed and scrutinized until she was certain she had picked the best guy for her to date. At least that's the premise.

The first half of the day, us guys spent individual time in front of the camera being asked by the director about our favorite movies (Shawshank Redemption, Rudy, Chariots of Fire, Garden State), favorite comedy (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), hottest Actor or Actress (Phillip Seymour Hoffman & Felicity Hoffman), What a person's favorite movie says about them (Whether or not they are a thinking person), etc.

They also made us do an impression, something that I'm pretty horrible at. Because our "date movie" is the charming and romantic psychological thriller Silence of the Lambs I had to try to do Hannibal saying, "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chi-an-ti." Then they asked me to do that lip-quivering-sucking-mmmthatwastastey thing. I didn't do so hot. I'm certain they will edit me to look like a baffoon. But as long as it's not a "reality show," I can fall back on the "I was just acting like a baffoon" plea. Right?

The second half was spent with each of us hanging out on a red couch with the lady d'jour. We had (hopefully) funny, engaging, flirty conversation about different parts of the movie. We talked about sewing machines (No, I don't have one), lotion ("It rubs the lotion on its skin"), and "quid pro quo." It was delightful and surprisingly natural. I might have made a new friend in this semi-Cher-like lady.

While the other guys were in the studio the rest of us sat in around and ate snack food, like mini-quiches and slim jims. They were actually pretty cool guys, and we bonded pretty quickly since we were all pretty uncertain what the heck we had gotten ourselves into. One guy even told the story of his (and his wife's) recent experience on the Dr. Phil show. They got royally scammed into thinking they were going to be helped, and instead they were made fun of. Pretty sad. I hope that's not what happens to me with this "Date Night" deal.

At the end of the night, the producer came into our little holding area and announced that they (not the Cher-girl) had picked the one guy to come back in as the "winner." It was Gary, he always wins stuff and get the cool jobs. He's actually in the running to be on "Deal, No Deal." I'm happy for him, mostly, and probably would've based my self-worth too highly on the fact that some New York producer & director deemed me "most desirable."

Besides, the prize Gary won is a pair of movie tickets. And, here's the clincher. Ms. Right already has a Mr. Right. Yep, she's married, and even has a couple of kids. That's a little too much reality for me.

"Date Night" will air March 27th, 7pm Central on AMC.

That my-laundry-never-gets-dirty smell.

I’ve always been someone who goes after what they want. And the fact that I am generally successful at it, has made me into a fairly self-confident, ambitious, go-getter. I can do anything. I can win in any situation. I can convince anyone that they should go this way, rather than that. I can win the hearts of one, or many. Any sign of a situation gone uncontrolled, or a person left unconvinced, tends to keep me up at night. Restless hours scheming and planning how to sway, or better yet, inspire, the antagonist in the scene to come over to my side.

I look back fondly on hearts that I’ve won over. Hearts that were hard at first, but over time realized the value of my friendship. Another notch in my logbook of life-long acquaintances. Goals I set that appeared insurmountable, disappearing in the smoke of my charm and smooth-talking.

To a certain extent, I do feel lucky for this ability. Even more thankful am I for my ability to keep it all apparently above-board. No one questioning my ability to make things, or people, happen. No one to stare me in the eyes and second guess my motives. No one but me.

But I do find it easy enough to ignore myself, as well as the next person does. So I continue on—conquering, winning, achieving, amazing, and inspiring.

There have been a handful of people who have kept me humble. People who taunt me with their own kind of charm. People who come right up to the edge of being conquerable, and then slip away... only to tease me again with their near-approachability. These are usually people who are admired by many around them. Admired for their charisma...for their ability to get things done...for their way of appearing like they have every square peg put firmly into the square hole, and every round peg nestled gently into its round hole.

I guess that might be how people view me. I mean, I hope that’s how people view me.

So, as much as I admire these people, they throw me for a loop. I’d love to be able to just grab a hold of their coat-tails and ride them into a warm feeling of self-worth and security. But those coat-tails are always just out of my grasp. I keep reaching... and they keep walking away. They keep on not returning my phone calls. They keep on staying busy talking to everybody else, making sure that they all feel good about themselves. Winning the next award, saving the next world... They’re always just around the next corner. Leaving behind their smell...that confident, my-laundry-never-gets-dirty smell.

But, I keep on. Thinking that one day, I might just attain that same sort of invincibility.

I'm On My Way.

If you're anything like me, sometimes you feel like there's nothing happening in your life...and perhaps nothing ever will. The dreams that you've been holding onto are slipping through your fingers. The hopes of some kind of breakthrough professionally or relationally are gradually drifting out to sea, leaving a tangleweed of cynicism behind for you to trudge through.

Then I had this crazy thought this morning, reading a killer book called "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson. He dares to suppose that this time we're spending in what he calls The Waste Land, where we feel like nothing's happening and probably never will, is actually a very purpose-filled time. That it's a time where we are being turned into the people that will actually be capable of carrying out the dreams and hopes we're holding onto.

It's funny how everyone who enters into the military knows they have to go through the horrid, near-torture of boot-camp. But they do it because they know that it is going to prepare them for what's to come. The pain, struggle and conflict during this brief time holds great purpose for them and their greater mission.

I believe this time now, for us, is a building, growing, boot-camp, of sorts. My beliefs tell me that everything happens for a purpose, and even for a good reason. Believing that allows wherever I'm at right now to be a place of great importance.

Weird analogy: Don't you hate taking your car into the shop for repairs!? It's horribly inconvenient. Try to imagine being the car, for just a minute. My car has been built to drive fast. To take the curves and bumps like a champ, handling the roads like a dream, taking me wherever I want to go, and making it a great experience, which it does most of the time! But when I have to take it in the shop because something's not working exactly right, do you think the car complains about how it's not out on the road doing what it was created to do? I don't think so! I can only imagine the relief it must feel getting everything back in working order, even if it means waiting around a stinky repair shop for a day or so. Thanks for bearing with me on that analogy.

You and I were created for something great, and with the help of God and the people who love us, I believe we can set our sights on going after a big, hairy, audacious goal. And hopefully along the way we can remind each other of the benefit of the quiet times, the times when we are being tweaked and tuned, punched and pummelled, making us stronger and better prepared for the roads ahead of us. That makes each mile of the journey that much more meaningful, I believe.

I want to be one of those people who can focus on what I'm turning into, rather than focusing on how I might feel like I'm being held back right now. The best is yet to come, and I'm on my way.

Little Things

I'm on a journey toward my dreams. And, as you can imagine, it's not always the easiest thing in the world. After I muster up enough courage to take a step forward, I'll stop and look around. I just want to see if I took the right step, or if it was a bad one. Sometimes I can't tell by myself. I have to look to other people for the objectivity I lack. One can have too many "yes men" in their life. Seriously, you really can't make room for one, except for your mother, perhaps.

Then I find myself waiting for glimpses of hope. Something that happens that tells me things are all going to work out. I've been raised to look for the big signs of affirmation (the applause, the money, the success) as proof that I'm on the right track. My eyes are learning that that kind of long-term, mostly superficial vision is merely a distraction, that really I shouldn't look so far ahead. That perhaps those big doses of encouragement are overrated.

I'm beginning to believe that the best things in life are found in the little things...the things that I might miss if I'm not looking. It's the tiny turns and twists in the road that take us to the new places...seldom new Interstates that we come across. Beauty is found in the nuance of the present. I keep praying, "God help me to see how you want to surprise me today." And he usually answers with something beautiful and meaningful...and small.

Dialogue with Dad.

DAD: Did you hear anything about that TV show "The Book of Daniel"? [He then included Don Wildmon's report on how the show descecrated everything about faith and Jesus.}

ME: Hey dad - I actually did watch this show. It was a two hour pilot of a new series they're trying out. I don't think it's going to make it...it wasn't very good. There were some good moments that touched on the reality of life as a Christian, that weren't very pretty. But my Christian life, and those around me, isn't very pretty either. It kind of makes me sad that people like Don Wildmon spend so much time pointing out how horrible everything is. Perhaps we can focus on good stuff...and find the redeeming elements of things in culture...inspiring people to be more positive and faith-infused themselves, rather than weary of the culture and on the defense against all the media and arts.

Phew...just a thought. What do you think?

DAD: Well, it's like politics. If we didn't have two far-reaching basic differences, there wouldn't be need for organized religion or a risen Savior. Satan would have a field day with all of us. Praise God we can share our opinions without government imprisonment. Let's keep it that way. We have educational and media systems which worship the differences in people and forget about the basic beliefs of our founding fathers. Unfortunately, "good" truth doesn't sell TV ads or newspapers. Wildmon keeps us focused on these basic beliefs, the strength and backbone of the USA. There is still room for constructive differences of opinion.

I am concerned about your comment "...my Christian life and those around me isn't very pretty" What are you trying to tell me?

ME: Hey pop - hope you're doing great this morning. thanks again for the continued dialogue...and for asking questions like this one, re: "...my Christian life and those around me isn't very pretty" What are you trying to tell me?

Here goes. I grew up thinking that the Christian life was about being pretty...about having a firm handshake and a big smile...and performing well for the crowds. I didn't know anything about brokenness. Part of that's age, part of that is church influence. But I'm surrounded by guys who are mostly broken, but are holding onto hope that Christ is a good, loving, compassionate Savior. Someone who is working on us, more than we can work on ourselves. In the meantime, we struggle. We deal with crap. It's not very pretty. Many people drink too much, smoke too much, too addicted to porn or other sexual things outside of their marriages, drugs, anger, separation from spouse and family, ego, eny, pride, jealousy, selfish ambition...i could go on, unfortunately.

That's what I was referring to. There's nothing pretty about living in honest community with other people. But there's a beauty to it that transcends it all...a beauty that feels like grace and love, something that comes from outside of ourselves.

Ok...your turn. Any thoughts? Love you....

DAD: Hi Mark- Thanks for sharing. You've decided to involve yourself in an area most people try to avoid...honesty with self, non-judgmental behavior of fellow believers, willingness to sacrifice time, talent, resources to help others, etc., etc.. I admire your position and wish I had 1/8th the compassion you demonstrate to the guys who are hurting.

There will always be opportunity for those who reach out to "the hurting" and disenfranchised. The "church" usually is a grouping of geese-like clones of each other, seeking comfort and purpose without having to pay a price for that. Therefore, "the comfortable pew," [is filled by] the self-satisfied, blinded-by-the-beauty-of-it-all "successful folks" who sail through life without confrontation for their sinful thoughts and behaviors. I am guilty as charged.

You are an amazing source of encouragement and hope for many folks--including your pop.

Loveyamore,
: ) pop