I Am A Wannabe

I have lived under the curse of potential my entire life. I’ve been bombarded with comments from people all saying the same thing: I can’t wait to see what happens to you! Will you still remember me when you’re famous? Seriously, I’ve had it. When someone says that to me nowadays, I roll my eyes and say, Yeah, me too. My reaction usually elicits some sort of Awww, hang in there type of encouragement. Maybe what I desire more is empathy over actual success.

If my life was going to be a Broadway musical (please God please!) the curtain would open, the orchestra would begin playing, and one-by-one several signs would light up all over the stage looking a little like Times Square, but it’d actually be downtown Nashville. The music would build to a climax as our hero makes his arrival down the middle aisle, through the audience, and when he arrives front and center, with suitcases in hand, probably wearing a Newsboy cap and knickers and an overwhelmed Golly, I’m in the big city now expression, he turns to face the audience and starts singing:

I’m gonna make it.
I’m gonnna do it.
I’m gonna make my dreams come true
With lots of hard work, and determination
People will quickly discover me

I’m gonna fake it
Until I make it
My big smile will see me through
Nothing can stop me, I’m on my way
I‘m gonna make my dreams come true

People will look at me and say
How did it do it?
He made it through it!
He made his dreams come true

It will be a grand celebration on stage and in the audience. Kind of like how excited everybody was as they were boarding the Titanic.

After that first song is over the hero holds his final pose just a little too long. He’s filled with confidence, but as the applause dies out, fear begins to creep in. Thank God he has a plan. He rips open his coat and proudly reveals a shirt that says Pick Me with an arrow pointing to his face.

I’ve lived my whole life hoping that someone would pick me. It’s funny the things that desire will make a guy do.

I’m a wannabe. Officially. That’s even what my license plate says. The term has an unfairly negative connotation to it, one which I hope to redeem. If someone comes to Nashville with a dream, and they are perceived as being a bit delusional, as if it’s possible to have a dream that’s a little too big, they are labeled as a wannabe, and usually dismissed. In contrast, there are people who come to town who are incredible beautiful and talented, and it’s determined that they could be a source of income for a lot of people, they are called artists. So in effect, a wannabe is someone who no one thinks they can make any money off of. Valueless. Worthless. Funny enough, In spite of the occasional, needle-in-a-haystack success story, both wannabes and artists are usually hard-pressed for cash.

So why do I want to label myself as a wannabe? Because I am a person who is continually striving and reaching. I want to dream bigger than what other people think is reasonable. There are so many things I want to accomplish, but it goes beyond just doing. It’s about being. I don’t ever want to settle for the ways things are. I believe that it is possible for me to learn and grow into more and more of the person that God wants me to be. Fortunately, my faith tells me that God is all about that, as well. When people ask me, What is it that you wanna be (they usually chuckle), I can say, There are a lot of things I want to be and do. I want to be a great friend, a great son and brother, a great writer, musician, actor, creative-type person. I want to be a great listener. I want to be compassionate. I want to be loving. I could go on…

When I can clearly see what my target is, I have an easier time aiming my arrow in the right direction.

Burn Baby, Burn...

My Favorite Musical Things From 2007

FAVORITE SINGLES FROM 2007
ANYWAY Martina McBride
HOW YOU LIVE (TURN UP THE MUSIC) Point Of Grace
LONG TRIP ALONE Dierks Bentley
UNDO ME Rush Of Fools
I'M NOT WHO I WAS Brandon Heath
CHASING CARS Snow Patrol
HOME Daughtry
LOVE SONG Sara Bareilles
GRACE KELLY/LOVE TODAY Mika
UNDER THE INFLUENCE/WONDERFUL WORLD James Morrison
YOUNG FOLKS Peter Bjorn And John Featuring Victoria Bergsman
CLOSER Travis
CAN'T STOP THE BEAT Hairspray
WHAT TIME IS IT? High School Musical 2
SOULMATE Natasha Bedingfield
HOT STUFF Craig David

CLOSE CALLS
WAIT FOR YOU Elliott Yamin
IT ENDS TONIGHT The All-American Rejects
THNKS FR TH MMRS Fall Out Boy
BOSTON Augustana
YOU KNOW I'M NO GOOD/REHAB Amy Winehouse
APOLOGIZE Timbaland Featuring OneRepublic
BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT Mat Kearney
BEAUTIFUL DISASTER Jon McLaughlin
GIMME MORE Britney Spears
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT Robert Randolph & The Family Band
TIME WON'T LET ME GO The Bravery
TYPICAL Mutemath
LOST WITHOUT U Robin Thicke

FAVORITE CDS
UNDISCOVERED James Morrison
LIFE IN CARTOON MOTION Mika
SONGS OF MASS DESTRUCTION Annie Lennox
ELLIOTT YAMIN Elliott Yamin
HOW YOU LIVE Point of Grace
VERSION Mark Ronson
INDIANA Jon McLaughlin
LITTLE VOICE Sara Bareilles

NEW FAVS IN 2008
FALLING IN LOVE AT A COFFEE SHOP Landon Pigg
SAY John Mayer
FEEDBACK Janet Jackson

Why?

A lady yesterday told me that she wished that she could stop wanting to do things that were really, really bad for her. This is coming from one of the most loving and compassionate people I know. I felt her sadness and frustration. And I couldn't help but wonder if the two were connected—her struggle and her compassion. While she cries out to God to have Him take away her frustrated desires, He lets them remain because he knows what the struggle does to her. It keeps her humble, it keeps her in check, it keeps her on her knees. She's learning she can't be her own savior. And she's learning the value of showing love and compassion to other people who are also struggling. If she was preaching a message of complete healing and sanctification here on earth, she would leave in her wake scores of frustrated unhealed others. But instead, she is learning and teaching the value of leaning on God and each other for hope and strength to make it through another day. Sounds like it's all going according to Plan.

Pilgrim Man

This is collection of songs I've written through the years I hope will be an encouragement to the church, just like Lars in "The Secret Meeting Place," who was instructed to awaken the slumbering souls in the village down below. This is one of the ways I hope to do that. The title track sums it up for me. Here are the lyrics:

Verse One: Thirsty soul tired feel empty hands heavy heart, This is not all you have, you have been given more Chorus: Pilgrim man don't give up though the road be long and the journey hard. You are not alone and God will carry you. Hold on pilgrim man, you're almost home Verse Two: Faithful friends by your side. burning heart, hope in sight. He's been down this road before, He's walking with you now Repeat Chorus: Bridge: You might think you've had enough, but the best is yet to come Repeat Chorus: Benediction: May the Lord grant you peace (On your journey home), May the Lord grant you grace (On your journey home), May the Lord grant you joy (On your journey home), May the Lord grant you faith (On your journey home)